Thank you God, for Backpage

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Used correctly, Backpage can be a girl’s best friend.

Backpage Benefits

Well, I guess I should clarify this and say that it can be a girl’s best friend when dealing with men under 35. Men over 35 should NOT have a Backpage page. EVER. If they do, there’s a problem. Run and don’t look back. Save yourself. The guy is either one of two things. A Momma’s boy who still lives at home and will talk incessantly about the “glory days”, much like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite, or a DOM a.k.a Dirty Old Man who is trying to “connect” with 16 year olds who don’t know any better than to post inappropriate pictures of themselves because it makes them feel grown and sexy.

Backpage sure did save me last month though. I met this Jewish doctor at a holiday party who I hit it off with. We “connected.”  We were having a great time talking and made plans to go out soon. His last name came up somewhere in the conversation, and I dutifully recorded it for future Googling purposes. Little did I know however that my Backpage him was going to prove even more fruitful.

Milford backpage ads

Manchester backpage ads

Nashua backpage ads

Dover backpage ads

Rochester backpage ads

Portsmouth backpage ads

Keene backpage ads

Laconia backpage ads

A few days later my roommate and I went on Backpage for the first time and began furiously looking up anyone we could think of. I put in his name, and sure enough, up came his page. Bingo. Jackpot.

It’s in your best interest to do this as well. Trust me. First of all, you get to see the guy’s Backpage friends. This particular guy seemed to think it was pretty cool to have about 250 female “friends” who could double as “hoes”. You also get to see the guy’s profile, pictures & comments.

Backpage Personals

Derry backpage ads

Hanover backpage ads

New Hampshire backpage ads

Plymouth backpage ads

Salem backpage ads

Now this guy really WAS a nice guy, and maybe I’m just being a mean, mean girl, but why did his page have to be SO corny? Corny with a capital C. He had about 15 pictures, all of him cheesing away with a huge-ass grin on his face and a terrible caption underneath. “Here’s me throwing back a brew in Boston! Beer, it does a body good!”, found underneath a picture of him smiling ear to ear with a beer in his hand. “Here I am at Hollyween! Look at those muscles if I do say so myself!”, with a too-tight S.W.A.T. team outfit on. You get the picture. I was instantaneously turned off. It didn’t help that he was a big exclamation point user. Those should be used pretty sparingly by guys. Girls can get away with smiley faces and being expressive and it’s cute, but for the boys, not so much.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t get past the cheesy smiles in literally EVERY photo. I kept imagining our wedding pictures. Introducing Cherie Amour and her new husband Corny. Corny would have on his huge smile, and I would just look scared. It didn’t work. It would have been like subjecting myself to a life of bad comedy.

My friend Jazmin did make a good point that people’s writing voices can be very different from who they are. She may have been right, but nonetheless, I had to end it right then & there. When there’s that instant deal-breaker, there’s not much you can do about it. It’s over. Finito.

But back to Backpage. Don’t sleep on this valuable resource girls, especially if you’re lazy like I am and don’t like to waste your time. Use it as a weeder outer if nothing else. You should be using all the tools in your toolbox actually, and Googling, Backpage, LinkedIn-ing and Yahoo Personaling every guy beforehand. Leave no stone unturned. Those five minutes you spend are SO worth it.

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